Loss
by Jo Dawn
Summary: Warning! Angsty Fic. May contain things that are disturbing to some. Do I write them any other way, heh? To live in hearts we leave behind, Is not to die. Thomas Campbell
1. Chapter 1

_**Loss**_

_Did you know that you can lose someone, while you are looking right at them? _

_That, even as you watch them, never blinking, they can be slipping away, snatched by an invisible hand that you can never, ever catch? _

_I think that's when it's the hardest. When you are watching so hard, trying so much, and you still lose it. _

_That's what happened to us. It's what's happening now… _

_**Michaelangelo - **_

It started like any other day. They usually do, though, don't they. It's not a question… it's just a fact.

Not like it should have been a shock, either, you know? Looking back, things like this never really _do _just jump out at you. There are all those signs that you know that you should have seen before, but only make sense now.

We all knew that sensei was getting older. There are certain… limitations that come along with that. I think that's why we never gave some things another thought. We just accepted that this was a part of getting older. How were we to know?

This really bothers Don. And I mean _really_. He can't get over the fact that he didn't get it. He thinks that he could have stopped it somehow. And he's the one who should _know_ that something like this can't be stopped.

But he won't accept that.

Which is why I am dragging him off to bed again, after he fell asleep at the kitchen table. He won't sleep. And he's _moody_ when he's awake.

I shake his shoulder gently. I don't need him jumping at me like he did the last time.

"Donnie." I whisper, close to his head. He must be _exhausted_. He is _out_.

"Don." I try a bit louder. Moving a few steps back, I sigh. Giving up for the moment, I pick up a paper off the table that surround my brother and I begin to read. My nose wrinkles. I don't wanna read anymore of these things.

All they say are things we should have seen, should have known.

I mean, forgetting is a big part of getting older. We all knew that. So when Master Splinter started forgetting, none of us thought anything of it. It wasn't the first time… It wouldn't be the last.

If only we knew.

But what could we _do _about it?

Absolutely nothing.

And that, above all else, hurts.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Leonardo - **_

I can hear movement outside my door, but I know that it's Mikey. He's walking to the kitchen to wake Donnie up and drag him to bed.

I've given up on getting Don to sleep, anymore. It's no use. And besides, why try and stop him from researching something that _needs _to be researched? If anyone can figure it all out, Don can.

Well, not that we're pressuring him or anything. Because we're not.

We're _not_.

I can hear voices now; Don's awake. The voices raise slightly, and come closer to my doorway. They pass, and I hold my breath without even knowing I'm doing it. I can't hear them. But I don't want them to know that I'm up.

Don's door closes, and I hear the familiar creak of his bed. Mike's feet pad softly away, and soon enough, I hear the sound of soft crying coming through the walls. Don's crying. Again.

He didn't used to, so much… before. But now, I don't know… Now it's all too common.

I sit up. I won't sleep again tonight.

As quietly as I can, I leave my room, making my way to the kitchen for a drink of water. Funny, how much traffic this one room gets all the time.

Mikey's nowhere to be found. He probably went back to his own bed. He'll end up back in Don's room, though. He usually does. I'm not sure, but it's probably partly to keep Don in bed, and sleep… but mostly because he doesn't want to be alone.

I don't blame him.

I can hear Raph snoring in his room. Funny, how the sound consoles me.

I walk quietly past his room, careful to make no sound. Raph _will _tear me a new one if he gets woken up and thinks we're being attacked or something. Or, well, he'll _try_, at least. Heh.

I'm not so quiet walking past Sensei's room. He doesn't hear us walk past anymore. When we were young, he would catch us _any _time we were sneaking around.

He was perfection. Every move he made, everything he _did_. Just… perfect. It's hard to realize that your teacher, your _father_ is… falling. Failing.

And he is.

And then, suddenly, he hit the bottom. And we never saw him trip. We never listened to one of his greatest lessons. We weren't prepared.

Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes. I let my mind empty as I sit, cross legged, in the dojo. I remember, years ago, when I would wake up early, and sneak to the doorway to watch my father in his morning routine. I was… enthralled by it. I followed every movement with my young eyes. I wanted to be _just _like him.

My hands clench in the present, and I grit my teeth. Youthful optimism. I had no idea.

He was so graceful. And I thought I was so clever. I thought I was sneaky; that he'd never seen me. I now know that's not true. He knew. Every time.

As it is, I can hear movement outside the dojo as I sit here. I look up.

"Sorry." Mikey slid into the room, padding softly across the room to me. "He's up." He says when he reaches me. I have no idea how much time has passed as I was sitting here.

"Where is he?"

Mike gives me a look. "Donnie's with him."

I should have known. Don, when he wasn't doing research, was nearly _attached_ to Father. Like he was afraid he'd… miss something again.

I walk with Mike to the kitchen, where both Don and Master Splinter were sitting. Don had his head on his hand, looking towards our Father; but his eyes were glazed, like he was sleeping sitting up. Wouldn't be the first time.

He jerked up as we entered the room, blinking a few times quickly. "Good morning," he said quietly.

"Morning." I said, sitting next to Master Splinter. "Good morning, Sensei." I say, and gently place my hand over his.

He jumps, and looks at me with wide eyes.

"Its Leo, Master Splinter." Don says softly. A light comes on in his eyes and he smiles gently.

"Good morning, Leonardo." He says, patting my hand gently. "I am sorry, I am… not well this morning."

"It's ok, Sensei." I say, but it hurts. I frightened my own father. I saw his eyes. He had no idea who I was.

"Morning, Sensei!" Mike bounces to the stove. I am silently grateful for him, as Master Splinter's eyes light up and he smiles.

"Ah, I used to have such energy." He looks up as Mikey sets a cup of tea in front of him. Mike puts his hand on Master Splinter's shoulder, and he reaches up to grab Mike's hand in his own. Mike grins broadly, and then Don does, too.

Raph isn't here yet. For a moment I wonder if he's still sleeping, but I know better. He's awake, and hiding in the dojo. He avoids breakfast time now.

Sometimes I don't blame him.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Raphael**_

...slam...

Fist against a punching bag, hard and fast… Unyielding.

...punch...

Sweat pouring down my brow, but I don't bother to wipe it away. Why bother? It doesn't matter. _Nothing_ matters.

_...punch...!_

"Dammit!"

* * *

_**Michaelangelo **_

I can hear Raph in the dojo. He's been at it since the morning, and it's early afternoon now. Walking past the room, I wince. His breathing is heavy, and gasping. Labored. I bet he's torn his fingers open again.

I worry about him. He'll do this, take his frustrations out on that punching bag for hours. It's the fourth one. We've had to replace the rest of them. Last time, Donnie had to stitch up his fingers. They were so swollen and bruised…

I shake my head and keep walking. Then, suddenly… Silence. I stop in my tracks. Maybe I can talk to him a minute. But there's no movement towards the door. I go back and peek my head in quietly. My eyes widen, and I run into the room.

Raphael is lying on the ground, unmoving. I run over to him, calling for Don over my shoulder as I do. I lean over him, checking his breathing. He is, thank goodness, and Don skids into to room as I'm checking his pulse.

"What happened?" Don asks breathlessly.

"I have no idea." I say, shrugging. "I was in the hall when he went silent, and I just found him like this."

Don leans over and checks the exact things I just did, then leans back on his heels a moment, before moving forward and lightly slapping Raph in the face. I blink and have to try not to laugh as I ask: "Would you like me to call Leo to help you with that?"

Donnie looks over at me with a slight grin on his face. It's a tired grin, but it's the most I've seen from him in a long time.

"No," He says with a slight chuckle. "But you _can _get me a glass of cold water."

"To throw on him?" I ask, grinning.

Don throws me a look, but he smiles slightly again, too. Two for two. I'm on fire today.

"No," He starts patiently. "But maybe if he won't get up. I think he'll need a drink when he wakes. He's passed out, probably from not eating breakfast. And lunch, too, if I'm not mistaken."

I nod, then head to the kitchen. This could turn out to be fun after all.

* * *

_**Raphael**_

Something is touching me.

I can feel a light slapping on my face. It's annoying me.

And how did I get on the floor?

I sit up quickly, grabbing the wrist of the intruder. Then I waver. I sat up too quickly and my head swam dizzily. I regain my bearings and glare at the person who did this to me.

"Geez, Raph. Ow!" Don's voice comes into my head and I blink twice to clear my eyes.

"Donnie?" I ask, and he nods his head. "What the hell are you _doing_?" I say, confused.

"Helping you," He says, then winces, tugging slightly on his arm. "Can you… let go of me now?" I look down, forgetting that I held his arm so tight, and he draws it back to him, rubbing the soreness of it for a few seconds. He looks at me. I stare right back. "What are you doing?" I ask finally.

"You passed out, Raph." He says quietly. "You overdo it…" He begins, but I just him off with a snarl. I'm just not up to putting up with his crap today.

He leans back a bit, looking slightly hurt. I sigh. Dammit Don. Why do you have to be so sensitive sometimes?

He sighs quietly, then stands. "You better bandage those fingers up. Again." He says, and right then Mikey walked into the room with a cup. "And drink that, and get something to eat, Raph." Don continues, then leaves the room. Mike turns to me, confusion on his face.

I sigh heavily. "Give me that water."

* * *

**_Michaelangelo_**

I hum to myself as I cook tonight's supper. Well, the second supper of the night. Master Splinter has already eaten and is in bed. He goes to sleep so early now...

"Smells great, Mikey." Leo says as he enters the room. Don's not far behind him, and they both sit at the table and kinda watch me work. I don't care, really. I like the company.

No one really talks until the food is set on the table. Raph comes in then. It's funny; we never ate together this much before. It just sorta… happened one day. I really like it, though. I really do.

Anyway, Raph comes in and sits down; and his hands are just bandaged all up. It's sloppy, though, since he had to do it himself.

We eat in silence for a few minutes, before Leo talks again.

"Master Splinter is in bed already?" He asks me, and I nod.

"Yeah, he said he was tired." I say, looking at Don push the food around on his plate. He's not eating.

Raph sighs unhappily. Leo went on, ignoring him. "Do you think he's sick? Is he ok?"

"Maybe, he went to bed because he was _tired_." Raph spit out. "Did we ever think of _that_?"

Uh oh.

"Or," He continued. "Maybe he was just tired of Donnie followin' him around all day takin' notes."

"Raphael!" Leo got out, shock and anger flaring in his eyes, on his face.

Don was staring at Raph, his eyes wide and sad.

"What? It ain't like it's gonna help _now_…"

"I was hoping…" Don began softly. "To maybe… find something…"

I looked at him; he was getting upset, I could tell.

"But, without any better resources…"

"Don," Leo interrupted quietly. "No one in the world has figured this out. Don't put so much pressure on yourself…"

"It just isn't _fair_, Leo." Don said suddenly. "If we weren't… weren't _this_, then he could have more help! I could have more resources! I might be able to actually _do _something…"

Suddenly, Raph growled lowly. "How dare you."

All of us turned to look at him, and… he had that _look _in his eyes. He was ticked.

"Where the _hell _do you get the _gall _thinking you're so much better than the rest of us, that you can feel worse about this than _anyone else_?" Raph snarled, pointing a finger at Don. Don, for his part, said nothing, but blinked, confused.

"I never said…" Don started, but Raph interrupted him.

"But you sure act it."

Don opened his mouth a few times, kinda like a goldfish, then looked down. I could see tears leak down his face. Raph sat back in his chair, folding his arms.

Leo sighed heavily, looking down sadly. I push my plate away. I suddenly lost my appetite.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Leonardo**_

I could have absolutely killed him.

Well, ok, maybe not _kill_ him. But at that moment, I had the strongest urge of my life to just reach over and _slap_ Raph right across the face. Realistically, I knew that would only make things worse, so I just looked down, trying to calm myself. But fire ran through my veins as I sat there, and I looked back up. My gaze hit Don and I clenched my jaw.

Don's breathing was slow and steady, but it was the reddish blush that spread across his face that gave away his upset. That, and the tears.

Suddenly, I hear that Raph is still talking. I grit my teeth, and prepare to give him a good yell.

"Raphael," I begin. "For God's sake, will you…" But my sentence is cut off as Don broke in.

"Please, will you stop?" His voice, breaking up… _pleading_ in it's tone, wafted through the room. Don looked at Raph, who just folded his arms. Great, he was gonna play stubborn.

"Screw you, Raph." Don choked out, jumping up from the table and leaving the room.

It was silent until Mike broke in quietly. "One day, maybe we'll get through a dinner without all this crap." Then he, too, got up and left the room, dropping his plate on the counter as he did. I noticed that he left most of his meal.

"Screw me?" Raph repeated, standing up. "Screw _me_…!" He bolted out of the room, pushing past Mike on his way.

"Raph," I yell after him. "Raph, let it _go_!" I have this horrible feeling in my stomach as I run after him. I skid around the corner to see a sight I hoped I wouldn't. Raph was an inch from Don, yelling about something or other, when he grabbed Don's shoulder, flipping him around to face him.

Then in the blink of an eye, Don had reached back and swung, making contact. Raph staggered back, holding his nose, which had started to gush blood.

"Holy _shit_, Don!" Raph groaned from between his fingers.

Mike gaped at them from across the room. I found myself frozen in place for a few moments before I found my legs again.

Don stood, hands up at his mouth, staring at Raph in what looked like shock. I ran between him and Raph, ready to block any retaliation that might occur. My mind was still reeling. Don just didn't _do _that.

I look over at Raph, who's wincing in pain. "Mikey," I call. "Get Raph cleaned up, please?" I turn back to Don, but find him gone.

* * *

_**Donatello **_

I hit my brother.

I have _never_ hit one of my brothers that way before. Sure, we're ninja, so of course we've sparred. And there is the brotherly jabbing.

But never before have I hit one of them with the intention of _hurting _them.

I feel sick.

I kneel next to my bed, breathing deeply. Why did he have to be so _stubborn_? I mean, I know I can be plenty stubborn as the next turtle. I sigh heavily.

I know this hasn't been easy on anyone. Least of all, Master Splinter. I look at him, and I can't imagine _not _remembering things. It kills me, every day, knowing that there is nothing I can do. That no amount of studying, or research or _any_thing that I did worked.

Helpless is _not _a feeling that I like very much at all.

There's a knock on the door, and I look up. I really, _really_ don't want any company. But Leo doesn't wait for my approval, before coming into the room. He stands just inside my room, staring at me. A small part of my mind wonders what he's going to do or say, but I really don't care very much at that moment. He's silent for a few minutes, and I just want him to go _away_.

"Things are bad." He says simply, quietly, and I don't look over.

"Been better." I get out, realizing that my voice doesn't want to cooperate. He sighs quietly. "Donnie…"

That's all it took. I broke. "I'm sorry." The words choked out of me, sounding weak in my ears. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" It's all I can say, and I press my face in the bed, not wanting to expose myself anymore. I hear Leo move then, and I almost jump when his arms wrap around me. He pulls me to him, like Splinter used to when we were little, and I'm lost.

* * *

**_April_ **

I slowly make my way towards the guys' door. I haven't been down as much as I should. I feel guilty but… It's really _hard_ to come down here anymore. Ever since Splinter got… sick… Well. I call often, but I know it's really not enough.

Reaching the door, I take a deep breath, then push it open. "Hello…?"

"April!" Mike walks out of the kitchen, carrying a bag of ice and a dishtowel that's red with… blood! I run forward. "Mike?"

He looks down, and almost laughs. "Ah, it's Raph's." He tosses the rag into the garbage and walks toward the bathroom, me hot on his heels. Raph exits the room just as Mike's about to enter it, and they almost collide.

"Give me _that_." Raph snarls, grabbing the ice and pressing it to his face.

"What _happened_?" I cry, moving to stand in front of Raphael, taking his face gently in my hands. He winces slightly and I bite my lip as I see his red and sore-looking nose. He grunts and moves a step away from me. Mike grabs my shoulder and pulls me back a bit. "Let him go," He chuckles, and I look at him.

"Is everyone else ok?" I ask quickly. "What hap-"

"April, April…" He shushes me, and I almost feel silly for overreacting. "Donnie did it." He smiles grimly.

"Did what?" I'm confused, and he does laugh this time. "That. To Raph."

I feel myself blinking in surprise, and it hits me. "Where is he?"

"His room." Mike says, still somewhat smirking. I take off towards Don's room, my mind reeling. Something must have happened. Something bad. I throw open the door without knocking in my haste, and run in. Then I stop. Leo's in there, holding Don, who's crying and talking and my heart burst. Without realizing it, I found myself on my knees with them, grabbing Don's face. His eyes hit mine and I felt my own eyes well with tears.

"I'm sorry." He whispers, then buried his face in my neck. I feel his tears hitting my skin, and I'm almost relieved in a way. He'd been so tense, so focused… I don't think he'd _dealt_ with it really yet. I felt Leo back off and leave the room, leaving me alone with Don.

"I try." He says, and I nod. "I know you do, sweetie."

He gasps, and I rub my hands over his neck and shell. "I hit Raph." He says then, and I nod again. "It's ok." I soothe. But I know it's not about that. Not really.

"Raph's ok, Don." I say softly. "A little hot under the collar… but when isn't he?" I laugh softly and Don finally looks up at me. He gives a grin, and I smile back.

"I popped him good, huh?" He whispers, his voice cracking.

"Ohhh, yeah." I wipe a tear off his cheek with my thumb. "He'll be hurting for a few days."

"I didn't want to." He says, and I nod. "Yeah. I was shocked too." A moment of silence passes between us, and I shift uncomfortably, then open my mouth to say something. Before I can, though, Mike's voice carries throughout the lair.

"Don! April! Get out here! We need help!"


	5. Chapter 5

_**Donatello - **_

I heard the yell for help come from the other room. In one movement, I nudge April gently away from me, and spring up from the floor, my own troubles forgotten momentarily.

She's right behind me as I burst through the door, and when I skid to a stop, she runs into me slightly, grabbing onto my arm.

The scene before me takes my breath away. Mike, who had been the one to yell, was standing with his shell against the wall, eyes wide in shock and fear... His hand covered his mouth now, and he stared at what I was now looking at.

Leo.

Master Splinter... our _Father_... had Leo held up against the wall, his hand on Leo's throat, holding him up so he had to strain to stand on his tiptoes. Leo was gasping for breath, and I froze.

I heard April gasp behind me, her fingers digging into my skin as I took quick survey of the situation. Raph peeked his head around the corner from the kitchen, and I could tell that he was also trying to figure something out here.

I heard myself talk suddenly. "Master Splinter!"

He turned to me quickly, then looked back at Leo, pushing him back against the wall roughly. "Intruder!" He hissed. "What have you done to my son?"

I look at Mike, who looks at me then, as if I'd called to him. "He thinks Leo did that to Raph." He whispers, his eyes still afraid.

I know his fear.

* * *

_**Raphael - **_

It happened so fast, I barely saw it.

We thought Splinter was sleepin', and all'a sudden he was there... Leo had come out of Donnie's room, lookin' all sad, and he came up to me, probably to talk about what happened earlier. Splinter appeared in his doorway, and he took a look at me, then Leo and then... it happened. He grabbed Leo and Mike yelled and now here we are.

Donnie's brain wheels are turnin'; I can practically see them movin'. He tried talkin' to Splinter, but it didn't do no good. So I'll try.

"Master Splinter," I say, all quiet like. "It's Leo. He didn't do nothin'."

"He has wounded my child!" Splinter was talking in this harsh voice, so unlike him it was no wonder Mikey was scared.

Hell... So was I.

Don took a few steps forward, and Splinter's grip on Leo tightened a bit. I wondered for a moment if Splinter'd recognize Donnie, if he didn't Leo.

"Master Splinter," Don started again, softly, taking a few steps forward. "_Father_... It's Leo. Your son. Remember?"

But he didn't, and that was the problem.

"He is _not_ my son." Splinter said, but he looked around at all of us and I caught it. The look in his eye. _He_ was scared.

And it killed me.

* * *

_**Michaelangelo - **_

I was completely stuck in my place by the wall. I was afraid to move. But Don walked up to Splinter... like he wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary. His eyes held caution, though, and I think we all jumped a bit when Don reached up to put his hand on our Father's.

"Let him go." He ordered softly, tugging on Splinter's hand. "That is Leonardo. He _is_ your son."

Splinter looked at him, confused. "My son is small. A child. _This _ is an intruder and I must protect..." Splinter kinda trailed off, and you could see that he was struggling, trying to piece together facts. Like a puzzle, only none of the pieces fit.

Don was undeterred. "I'm Donatello. I'm your son. We're not little anymore, Sensei." His voice dropped to a low, gentle tone. "And _this_, is Leonardo." With his words, he was softly prying Splinter's fingers away from Leo's neck. As he finished, Splinter's hand came free, which Don held firmly in his own hand.

Splinter looked at us all, then his face sort of... crumpled, for lack of a better word. But the light came back on in his eyes.

"I... I am sorry, my children, I..." He looked down, and a tear slid from his eye. "I got... confused... I am not feeling right at all."

Don nodded, and led Splinter by the arm to his room. "Its late, father..." He said as they entered the room. "You must just be tired..."

Then the door closed, and everyone kinda... didn't know what to do. Leo slumped to the floor and put his head in his hands. April let out a sob, and we all kinda jumped. Like we'd forgotten that she was there the whole time.

She was holding onto the door frame of Don's room, and she was shaking, she was so upset. Like, she was trying to talk, but couldn't get words out.

Raph started for her, reaching her as she let out another cry. His arms went around her, and she collapsed into him.

I went to Leo.

He looked bad. Pale and... defeated? I reached a hand down to help him up, and he grasped it, shaky. But he didn't try to pull himself up and I didn't try, either. He just kinda... held onto me. And I didn't care. Truth was, I needed it, too.

* * *

_**Raphael - **_

I hadn't seen April so upset before. I didn't know what else to do but grab her. I honestly thought she'd fall if I hadn't.

She was cryin' now, really and truly cryin'. Big deep heavin' sobs that broke even my heart. I rubbed at her hair and her back, and looked over at Leo.

Mikey was with him, looked like he was talking to him real soft like. Leo looked bad. But I could imagine. I saw how Splinter looked. Like he was all lost and afraid and all that. What I couldn't imagine was bein' Leo, and havin' Splinter not recognize me. Attacking me.

Speaking of Splinter... the door to his room'd been closed a bit now. I was getting a tad worried now. Donnie bein' alone with him and all.

Donnie... Thank God for Donnie. I dunno what we woulda done without him just then. He just kinda... _knew_ what to do and say and all that.

Man, I totally forgive him for earlier.

* * *

_**Leonardo - **_

I can't think. I can't breathe.

I can sense Mike near me, talking to me, but I cannot understand his words. They are like jumbles of sounds, unrecognizable to my ears.

I don't know what happened.

I don't know what to do...

* * *

_**Michaelangelo - **_

I tried talkin' to Leo, but he totally spaced out on me. I still tried, though, but stopped when the door to Splinter's room opened up, and Don emerged.

He didn't say anything, just kinda looked at us all for a moment, his face tight and pale and drawn.

Then he just... walked past us all... Into his room. He shut the door and we all heard the sounds of papers and books hitting the floor, like he'd swept them to the ground.

Then the silence...


	6. Chapter 6

_**Raphael - **_

Ok, so there've been tons of times that I've... envied Leo's position. The leader, the decision maker. _I _always wanted to be the one to call the shots. Guess I'm just real stubborn that way.

April's in my arms now, she's been cryin' ever since it all happened. I had no idea she'd be this upset, but it's almost like she's cryin' _for_ us. And, ya know... sometimes I wonder if we shouldn't be reactin' the way she is now. But it's different, when you're with it all the time; around it constantly. I'll be the first to admit, I suck at dealin' with crap like this.

I wish I could deal as freely as she can.

...Sometimes.

_**Michaelangelo - **_

I totally get that Leo's upset. We all are. But he's just starin' into space like I'm not even next to him at all. I figure then, that I'll go see about Don. When he went into his room there was a lot of ruckus and I want to see if he's ok. Besides, Leo's always liked to deal with things alone. He and Raph are a lot alike that way, though I wouldn't tell ether of _them_ that!

So I walk past Raph and April, and she's still real upset. I have this horrible feeling in my gut now, like something's just not right. I get to Don's door and hesitate. I mean, I dunno _what _I'm gonna say, or what he's doin'... Either way, I push open the door.

"Donnie...?" I call out real soft, and my eyes have to adjust to the dark of his room. I blink a few times and focus on his desk. He's just sitting there, head on his arms, and _every_thing that's usually on his desk is all over the floor.

Don won't answer me, so I take a few steps into his room. "Don?"

"It shouldn't be like this, Mike." He says finally, not moving to look at me, and I can barely hear him. "It should have never _been_ like this." He says louder and I stop.

"Well," I start, flustered. "You're right, Donnie. It shouldn't have turned out like this, but..."

"No!" He interrupts me, which _really_ throws me off. "No, no, no!" He sits up, placing his hand on his desk.

"Don't you _see_, Mike?" He stands up, motioning with his hands as he talks. "If we weren't _us_, it wouldn't be like this. Splinter would have _help_. There would be medicines and hospitals and research..."

I take a step back, watching Don carefully. He never does this. I assume he needs it.

"...it wouldn't be progressing this quickly, Mike." He sinks back to his chair, slapping a hand back down to his desk. "We wouldn't be l-losing him..." He gasps, putting his hands over his face. "If we weren't _this." _

He spits out the last part like it tastes bad, and I suddenly feel more sad than I did before.

_**April - **_

I cannot stop crying.

No matter what I do, I just can't make the tears stop coming. Part of me wants to be embarassed, I realize, as I remember who is holding me. Raph... I don't know, I always kind of wanted to seem more... tough... around him, for some reason. I can't explain it.

It's too late now. What I'd just seen bothered me more than anything I'd seen, and I've seen a lot. I had no idea that it had gotten so bad, had progressed so far. The fact that Splinter hadn't recognised Leo scared me, and broke my heart.

It also scared me more than I can say. If he didn't recongise his own sons... when will he forget me?

What will he _do_ to me?

_**Leonardo - **_

Without thinking... I _can't_ think... I feel myself get up, my legs protesting from being in one position for so long. Was it ten minutes? Fifteen? An hour or even more? I'm not sure.

I don't care.

My body makes it's first turn towards my father's room, the first place I'd go for advice when I am confused or scared. Then, reality hits and my heart would have broken, if I weren't already numb.

I need out.

Now.

_**Raphael - **_

I don't know how long we've been here, April and I... but suddenly, somethin's makin' me real uncomfortable. I shift a couple times, not even realizing I'm doin' it... She looks up at me, all tearstained and red and it feels like even my old heart is breakin'. She moves away from me, and as she does, it occurs to me that I miss her warmth already.

"Sorry, um... for bothering you." She says, fidgeting with her hands and moving to stand up. I rise, and hold my hand out to her, helping her up.

"Ya weren't." I say. "It's just..." I shrug. "Yanno."

She nods, even though _I _have no idea what I'm talking about and runs a hand over her hair. "How long..." She asks, and I don't have an answer for her.

"It's never been... like this." I say, and my voice sounds different to me right now. She nods again, and clears her throat.

Mike comes out of Don's room, then, looking sad. Mikey sad, is never a good thing. April takes a step towards him. God, she's so... I don't know what we'd do without her.

Mike opens his mouth to say something, but April reaches him first, putting her arms around him, and he just lets go and starts crying. She puts her hands on his face, making him face her and talking softly. Mike shakes his head, and finally says something too quiet to hear. With those words, April leans up and kisses him on the cheek, pulling away from him softly and slowly, and she's gone, into Don's room without hesitation.

Yeah, my heart's breakin'.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Donatello - **_

I hardly hear the door to my room open, but all of a sudden there she is, standing there, looking at me. Her face is pink and flushed, her eyes wet and red from crying. My heart aches for her in that moment, and aches for me. For us.

"Your brothers need you." She says softly, looking down at her nails, painted in her customary clear polish. I wonder briefly how or why I remember that.

"Is something going on out there?" The thought enters my head suddenly, making me stand quickly, my heart racing.

She puts her hand up to stop me. "No. No." She repeats, looking at me tiredly. "I mean, they _need _you." She looked back at the door. "Things are falling apart quickly, Don. Your family is..." She shakes her head, then she looks down, bringing her hands up to her face. "Things are falling apart." She gets out, repeating herself, and I realize that she is crying again. "They need you." She repeats again, but I feel my face becoming hard.

"And we need _real_ doctors and _real_ medicines, and all things that being _us_ don't afford." I say harshly, but instantly regret it, seeing the look on her face as she looks back up at me.

Her eyes are wet and pink, but mostly, and what gets to me, is how... disappointed she looks.

"He is your _father_, Don." She says, disapprovingly. "And all you're doing is lamenting what you think is _your_ burden. Like you are looking for a reason to feel sorry for yourself, and you are using him. You are _punishing_ him for it!" She cried out, and each word punched through my chest like a dagger. She turns away from me, and I have to fight to not reach out for her. I run a hand over my head, sinking down onto my bed.

* * *

_**April**_

It is painfully quiet in the room for almost five minutes. Or it could have been one minute; the seconds alone seemed to last an eternity. I cannot believe I have said these things to him... _him_ of all of them. I can't believe I thought he deserved them. Or that he did.

"I'm sorry." His voice breaks the silence, small and quiet, and so... young. Lost.

My resolve breaks instantly, and I go to him. Wrapping my arms around him, he immediately pulls me to him. His arms, containing muscles capable of so much strength, hold me gently. I take a deep, shuddering breath, inhaling his unique scent that I have grown to know above all others. And love.

I get it, though.. He's so lost, so _unsure_ of what to do that it scares him. I understand it; I _am_ a scientist by nature. I'm not sure what I'd do in his position. I'm sure very few individuals are faced with such a tough situation as they are. I do not envy them.

I take his hand, and he looks at me. My heart skips a beat as our eyes lock. I pull him to his feet, leading him back out with the others. They need each other right now.

Men. Always needing to be told what to do.

* * *

_**Raphael**_

I run my hand over my head, frustrated. I don't know what to do. April and Don are in his room doing God knows what... Mike's flipping through the channels of the tv at record pace, and Leo...

I look around the room another moment. Leo... isn't here. Great. He went all invisible on us. My blood begins to boil at that.

The door to Don's room opens more, and they come out, April leadin' him by the hand. I grit my teeth.

"Something needs to be done here." April says, and I see her squeeze Don's hand as she does. "We all need to get together and..."

"If ya hadn't notice," I break in, losing my resolve. "Leo went MIA on us... Nice for him to take off when we need him."

"Yeah, isn't that your job?" Mike mutters.

* * *

_**Donatello**_

I didn't hear what Mike said, but obviously Raph did. A split second after the words left his mouth, faster than I've ever seen before, Raph was over the back of the couch and then they were both on the floor. April gasped, and even I started at the sight. Raph was on top of Mike, pushing him against the ground. He raised a hand, and brought it down swiftly, but Mike was faster, getting over his shock and blocking the hit.

I ran over, grabbing Raph by the arms, pulling him backwards and off of Mike. I barely had time to react when he swung at me, and he caught my cheek; though not at full blast.

Thank goodness.

April ran over then, but didn't head for Mike or I. She went straight for Raph, slapping him hard across the face. It was enough for us all to stop dead in our tracks, and a rushing noise took over my ears. It was a good minute or so before I realized that she was screaming.

"...ever, _ever_ see you do that again! What is _wrong_ with you?" She went on, her face red. I'd never seen her like this before. Raph was sitting back on the ground staring at her, a hand over his face where the imprint of her hand was fast turning pink.

Mike was frozen in his place as well; you could tell he was stuck between saying something or letting her ream him out for a bit longer. His goodness won out, though, and he was behind her a moment later, grabbing her gently to him, whispering in her ear, rubbing her hair to calm her.

I walk up to Raph, silently putting a hand out to help him up. He took it, almost pulling me down with how fast he got up.

"Leo's gone." He says to me, and I nod. "We need to find him."

I sigh, looking at April. We have to move, and soon. Walking up to her, I take her hands in mine. They are hot with her upset, and I squeeze them comfortingly. "We have to find Leo." I say, almost apologetically. She nods, understanding, and says softly, "I'll wait here, if he comes back." She's so sad looking still, that before I can stop myself I lean forward and press my lips against her forehead.

* * *

_**Michaelangelo - **_

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Raph tense up, clenching his fists. He's already on the edge, and judging by his earlier reaction, we do _not _want to push him. I clear my throat, and everyone looks at me.

"It's getting late..." I get out, and Raph grabs up his cell, jamming it into his belt.

"He better hope I don't find him first." He mutters, heading towards the door. I move towards the door, too. I don't want Raph getting too far ahead of us.

Plus, I am kinda concerned if he _does_ find Leo before we do. I look back at Don, who follows us, leaving April behind.

* * *

_**Donatello - **_

Despite Mike's apprehensions, we split up not long after heading out. Besides the time of night it was, and moving quickly later, it was _cold_ in the sewers.

And I don't think any of us wanted to leave April alone for long.

Just in case.

Sighing heavily, I look down yet another passage. It feels as if we've been searching for hours, and maybe it has been. My phone goes off, making me jump.

"Get back home." Mike intones, then hangs up. I blink at my phone a moment before turning and rushing back.

When I finally get back home and through the door, my heart felt ready to burst through my chest. I open the door and my first sight is Mike sitting on the couch next to a blanket covered Leo. I rush to his side. "What's wrong?" My hand immediately goes to Leo's forehead. His skin is cold. Too cold.

"Found him... a ways down." Mike says, avoiding my gaze. He's leaving things out, but I don't have time to worry about that now.

"Leo?" I call to him softly, but he, too, won't look at me. I sigh heavily. Raph was standing at the edge of the room, arms crossed in his customary agitated position.

"This is a great little 'family chat'." He said lowly. "We waste all this time lookin' for Leo; goin' all over kingdom come... And he won't _talk!"_

Mike went to say something, but I shook my head slowly.

"I just..." Raph began pacing. Never a good sign. "What should we _do_ here? Where do we go?" He ran a hand over his head roughly. "Where the _hell_ did you go?" He turned on Leo suddenly, screaming less than an inch from his face.

"Stop it, Raph!" I speak up finally, my voice louder than even I expected it. "Go grab some blankets." I order. Leo is so cold, we have to warm him. I bend down to look him in the eye, grabbing his hand in an attempt to gauge his temperature and feel for his pulse. It's racing, and I look up at Mike.

"He's been like this the whole time?" I ask, and he nods seriously. "I think he's going into shock, Mike."

His eyes widen, and I take a deep breath.

"He'll be ok, if we can just get him warm..."

* * *

_**Michaelangelo - **_

As if on cue, Raph showed up right then with some blankets. He unceremoniously tossed them at Don, who said nothing, and wrapped them around our brother. April arrived then with a warm cup of tea, and Don smiled gratefully at her. I hadn't even seen her leave the room.

It is quiet for a few moments as we get Leo wrapped in warming blankets. April stands with her arms crossed, watching us.

"I just think... at times like these, you should be sticking together..." April mutters, looking down. "Not fighting. Like _this_."

Raph looks up like she hit him again. "Real nice to be told how to react to something you have no experience with..." He shot back, and her eyes flash. It reminds me, somehow, of him. Don notices, too, and we catch each other's eyes. He looks worried.

"You're right, Raph." She says back, louder this time. "I don't. My father died years ago." Her voice wavers, and she continues. "But Splinter has been like a father to me since I met you guys... And this hurts me as much as..." She breaks off. "As much as it should hurt _you_."

In an instant, he is on his feet. "How _dare_ you tell me how _I am feeling!_" She winces, but keeps an unwavering gaze on him. He advances on her, and she backs up a step. "You don't know what it's _like_, no matter how much you wanna pretend to sympathise."

Donnie took a step towards them, ready to open his mouth, but April beat him to it.

"I am not _pretending_!" She shrieked.

"Don't give me that shit, April." Raph raged. "You got no idea what it's like anymore, 'cause you get to go up to your _perfect _life away from here and forget. We don't get to do that."

His face was more angry than I'd seen him in a long time. I figured, maybe he was letting off some steam about... well, just everything.

"My life..." April began slowly. "Is not perfect."

"Yer a goddamn spoiled princess up there in yer apartment, away from all this." He seethed. I can't imagine why he hadn't taken off already, but he seemed almost intent on... _hurting_ her.

Time for me to speak up.

* * *

_**Raphael - **_

My breath left my body in deep gasps. My heart was racing, and my hands clenched into fists so deep, I'm sure my nails cut into my flesh. I'd never been this angry and April. I wasn't really sure _why_ I was... But I was.

"This isn't the time." Mike put his hands on Leo's shoulders, and I felt another wave of anger run through me. How could he just... shut us out like this right now? I hated him for it.

I also hated myself for realizing that I _needed_ him. Right now.

Jesus, no. I shut my eyes tightly against everyone; fighting the burning in my eyes. Everything was swirling in my head, jumbling up inside me. Splinter, Leo... Mike... April and Don... and how freakin' _hurt_ April looked when I yelled at her.

My shoulders slumped and I felt like I was going to bust. I wanted to scream; to let it all out. But I knew that would frighten Sensei. Shaking, I fell to my knees. I could feel hotness hit my cheeks.

I was so intent on keeping my eyes shut, so no one could see me... My weakness... I almost jumped outta my skin when I felt someone put their arms around me.

* * *

_**Donatello - **_

Raph hit the ground, and I think we all jumped a bit. I was a little relieved, though. I was more than a little nervous as to his and April's... disagreement.

April... was shaking like a leaf. I wanted to go to her, but a sudden movement in the corner of my eye stopped me.

Leo... had moved from the couch and was kneeling next to Raph, wrapping an arm around him, the blanket enveloping them both. A lump hits my throat suddenly. I'm reminded suddenly of being little and sitting together with my brothers. We'd huddle on one of the beds together and wrap our blankets around us to stay warm in the winters, or to comfort another after a bad dream, or even to just... _be_ with each other. It was always so safe, so... innocent and blissfully unaware. The thought of how that time once was, and the crushing weight of reality was enough to make my breath catch, and my hand moved to my chest.

Without my knowing it, I find myself kneeling also, my own arms moving around my brothers, and when I feel a hand gripping my wrist, I look up. Mike's watery eyes meet mine, and I knew he was thinking the same thing. Those nights we were small, we used each other for warmth and safety. Our father was but a room away back then. It never crossed our minds that he wouldn't be. Now... Things are changing, and soon... We will be really, and truly...

Alone.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Chapter 8 **_

_**Splinter**_

A noise from outside my door woke me long ago, but I am slow to get out of bed. Though I have slept many hours, I am still tired. Caring for four boys will do that to you. I can hear the sounds of a starting day and I wonder if they have done their morning katas yet. If not, then they are late. They are also making much noise for trained ninjas. I will have to speak to them about that, and the virtues of sleep.

They make so much racket for four small boys.

* * *

_**April**_

It's only 9 am and I'm already getting frustrated. I've been sitting in front of this computer with Don for over an hour now, and we are talking in circles.

"…these articles here are about research that one company did that shows the effects that different herbs along with medication had." Don keeps talking, unaware that I am zoning out. I want to help, that's why I'm here, but we have looked at this site three times over the last day and a half.

I realize there is silence, and I refocus myself to find him staring at me. I wonder for how long.

"The only things we can really trust are the things tested by doctors." He sighed at that. We've been over this, too.

"I'm not saying it will be easy," I say, knowing that it would be near impossible. "But, maybe I can at least get some information."

"…get from a doctor…" He murmurs, repeating what I had just said. Then he is lost in thought again. Now it is my turn to watch him. They have all changed since this began, all of them. Don is even more focused, if that's even possible. To the point of being obsessed. As if to bring this fact to light, he glances at the clock and jumps up.

"Sensei should be awake. I'll be back, April." He says, then is gone. I leave the room, too, needing to stretch my legs and back. Mike greets me from the couch, and Raph gives a belated grunt.

He's been moody lately, Raph. I don't understand sometimes the looks he gives me. The way he acts now. I have known them for years, and never has he gotten under my skin so completely. I have lost my patience with him more this week than I ever have. It hurts, yet somewhat intrigues me. Maybe I'm spending too much time with him.

__

* * *

_**Michaelangelo**_

Don was no more than 30 seconds out of our sight before April came into it. I greeted her, and glanced at Raph. He looked at her briefly, then grunted in reply.

I really don't know what's up with him.

I know Don is waking Splinter, if he isn't already awake. I am not sure I know why. Splinter can wake up himself. Though I've wondered more than once if it's only to make sure he _did_ wake up. That's a scary thought that I don't want to have. It makes me shudder.

April finally decides to join us, sitting on the couch next to me. She bumps into Raph on her way, and I see him grimace. I know for a fact that didn't hurt.

She looks tired. I'm sure all this information hunting and discussing with Donnie must be tiring. They've been at it almost non-stop for days.

"What are we watching?" She asks softly. I start; I'm not even sure.

"Price is Right." Raph answers boredly. I settle in a bit. I like this show.

* * *

_**Raphael**_

I don't know what's goin' on anymore sometimes.

April'd never been anything but great to us, but lately I'm gettin' uncomfy around her. Like somethin' ain't right. She's pushin' buttons that I didn't know I _had_.

And I'm not sure how she's doin' it.

* * *

_**Michaelangelo**_

Raph's being a sourpuss. I know for a fact that he likes this game show, and he's acting all grumpy. I don't know what's wrong with him.

April laughs beside me, and I turn my attention back to her.

"I love how excited some people get when their name gets called." She smiled, and her eyes light up for the first time in days. She looks at me. "I forgot how much I missed guilty pleasures."

I grin at that. "You want guilty, let's get some snacks!" I jump off the couch, making her bounce in her spot, and head for the fridge. My smile somewhat falters, though, as her laughter ends and an odd silence fills the room I just left.

I wish they'd just get over whatever's going on.

I have my head in the fridge when Donnie comes in the room. "Where's Leo?" He asks, and I almost bump my head, he so startles me.

"Mmm," I ponder. "I think he went out for a run a few hours ago. Doing a little sweep of the city." I look back at Don and he nods. He looks troubled, but that familiar thoughtful look covers his face.

"I gave Splinter some tea in bed." He begins slowly. "He's… tired today." I nod after he pauses for a long moment, and it seems to break him out of his thoughts and he continues. "I'm running out. Not sure how long I'll be, but… I'll be back."

"Ok…" I agree, and he merely nods then leaves the room quickly, like he has someplace to be. Maybe he does. Shrugging, I grab my goods and head back to the living room.

I hand April a bowl of ice cream. "Donnie ran out, so it looks like you're stuck with just us for a bit."

"Oh?" She looks confused, and Raph glances first at me, then at her.

"Yeah." I continue. "He left pretty quickly, so I dunno what's up."

* * *

_**April**_

Well, that was odd.

Don never mentioned having to go out. Anything he needed, I could have got, anyhow. I'm slightly irked; I took time off work to be here. Too late now. I guess I'll just enjoy a true day off. I take a bite of ice cream. Yum.

"So Don didn't say where he was off to, huh?" Raph mused.

"Not to me." Mike answered.

"Hmm." Raph scratched his wrist. "Maybe him and Leo are meetin' somewhere."

"You don't think…" Mike put his cookie down on the plate.

"Nah." Raph continued. "I'm just thinkin' out loud." He looked at the clock. "I think I'll go check on Splinter." He said, then got up and walked out of the room.

Mike looked at me, shrugged, and settled back into the couch.

* * *

_**Raphael**_

I raise my hand to knock on Sensei's door, then hesitate. My instincts want me to be cautious, but I try to fight against them. I don't wanna have to feel cautious around my father.

"Are you awake, Sensei?" I peek my head into the doorway. Part of me worries what… or who… I'll find.

"I am, Raphael." He is sitting up in bed. It's funny. He don't look any different. Maybe a little thinner, but he's still… my father. When he relapses or whatever, and he doesn't know somethin' it's almost confusing. It's his voice an' all that, but it's not the right info comin' from it.

I think I've been starin' at him for a while, because he looks concerned. "Raphael? Are you alright, my son?"

It feels so _good_ to hear him say that I can barely stand it.

"I'm fine, Master Splinter. Just wanted to check on ya. Donnie said you were tired."

He chuckles at this. "Donatello is worrying about me too much lately." He says, but smiles and folds his hands on his lap. "Though I appreciate his concern, I am merely tired. I am an old rat."

"Yer not old, Sensei." I say. I'm not sure I wanna know where this conversation is going.

"My bones are sometimes weary. I regret missing so many morning practices with you all." He's startin' to look sad, and I _really_ don't want this conversation going any further.

"You want me to get Mikey to make ya somethin' to eat?" I ask, trying to change the subject.

"Michaelangelo and I have discussed this already today." He looks suddenly stern.

'_They had?'_ I'm confused. "Uh, when was this, Master Splinter?"

"He was in here right before you were."

Oh. Well, he must have come in when he was getting the snacks. That explains things. Relief washes over me, until Splinter goes on.

"You must tell Michaelangelo that he is not to use the kitchen. I have told him over and over again." _Uh oh._ "He is much too young to be playing with such things." He sighs and shakes his head. I am horrified.

"How… how old does he have to be to use the kitchen, Sensei?" My breath actually shakes when I speak. I can barely take this.

"When he is old enough to reach the top of the stove, we will discuss it again, I told him. Or age ten, whichever comes first. I think that is a good age."

I think my head's gonna explode. I can't get out of there fast enough.

"Do ya… need anythin' else right now, Master Splinter?" I practically inch towards the door.

"Is something the matter, Raphael? You seem nervous."

"No, Splinter, I'm fine, I…" I stop as a sudden smell hits my nose. I look at my father. He stares at me with the eyes of a small child: scared, embarrassed, scorned. I never want to see that look again. I take a 

step forward when it hits me. He's soiled himself. My father has done something I haven't done since I was four and had a nightmare.

He straightens up where he sits. "I'm afraid that I require Donatello's assistance, if you please." His voice is soft, but still regal.

"Do-Donnie?"

"Yes. Get me Donatello. Immediately, Raphael." His voice turns harsh and I leave quickly. I'm not sure what to feel. I'm so angry I want to maim something, but I'm so scared I can't bring myself to move. I make my way to the living room, where Leo has decided to join the happy family. They all look up at me as I come in.

"What's wrong?" April half stands.

"Where's Don?" I half snarl. My emotions swirl in me constantly, unyielding.

"He's not back yet." Leo puts his hands on his hips. "What's going on?"

"Splinter…" I can barely say his name. "Splinter is requesting him. Now."

"What's wrong?" Leo is quick to read my face.

"I need Don _now_." I can feel my face heat up as my voice rises. I am going to freak out here in a moment.

"He…"

"Splinter…" It's all I can get out. I sink to the chair, my hands shaking in rage and fear. I can't handle this.

"What's wrong with Sensei?" Leo's eyes are filled with fear.

"He just wet the bed while I was talkin' to him and he only wants _Don_ to go in and I don't got Donnie to give him what he wants." I know I'm not making sense. I don't care. I barely see Mike's horrified look and Leo's grimace before I put my shaking hands over my face. I'm going to lose it, and soon.

"I'll go." April says softly, touching my shoulder gently as she passes. This only angers me more, and I get up mechanically.

"Where are you going?" Leo asks, but I brush him off. I barely make it to the dojo, the rage has so blinded me. There are spots in front of my eyes. But I see enough to see the punching bag. One swift punch after the other, but I still don't feel any better yet. I wonder how many strikes it will take.

* * *

_**Leonardo**_

I really don't know what to think. It's like I left my home and came back to a different place. Part of me feels shut out, but the other part lucky that Splinter lets April in. She was in there for a very long twenty minutes before emerging, looking pale.

"He's fine, Leo." She puts a hand on my shoulder comfortingly. Then she bites her lip and glances towards the dojo, where Raph has been after he stumbled off. He's been yelling expletives in there since. I'm afraid he'll upset Sensei, but it hasn't yet, so I'll stop him in a few moments if he doesn't' stop himself.

"Leo." She says softly. "We need to talk. All of us." All I can do is nod.

The door to the lair opens, and Don comes in carrying a bag over his shoulder. Did he really run off to go part hunting?

"What's going on?" He looks at all of us, and his eyes widen.

"Where have you been?" I demand, and his eyes harden.

"Splinter… had an accident." April breaks in, and Don whips to face her.

"What kind of accident?" He insists. "Is he alright? Is he hurt? Does he need…"

"He's fine, Don." April insists softly. "He's merely… Embarassed." A light seems to come on in Don's eyes and he groans.

"He asked for you…" She continues, but he cuts her off, throwing his bag to the ground with an uncharacteristic: "Dammit."

A few boxes fall from the bag, and after a moment April leans down to pick one up. She stares at it for a moment, then looks at Don. He looks almost guilty. Mike moves forward, trying to see.

"What is this?" She asks softly, never taking her eyes off Don's. "Where did you get this?" She shook the box at him.

"You know what it is." He says, and his tone worries me.

"What is it?" Mike wonders, moving forward to pick up a box.

"Donatello." April says again. "What did you _do_?"

"What is it?" I'm impatient now, annoyed.

"These," April holds a box up for me to see. "Are drugs. Seriously hard to get medicines." Her eyes flash back to Don. "How did you get these?" Her voice rises, and Raph comes back into the room, a sheen of sweat covering him, and his knuckles bloody.

He moves towards Don. "How long's all this been goin' on, Don? How long has Splinter been this bad?"

"Hang on a minute, Raph." April interrupts and his eyes flash. She shakes a box at Don again. "Donatello. _How_ did you get these?"

"I did what I had to do." Donatello answers softly, but firmly. "To help my family. There was no other way."

I am shocked. My brother, my quiet, responsible brother broke into somewhere and stole medicine. And seems absolutely unfazed by it.

"Don, you can't…" I begin, but he cuts me off.

"I'll pay them back, Leo." He insists, looking at me. "I'll send money. But we _need_ this. And there is _no_ other way to get it, you know that!" His look turns pleading.

"I don't approve…" I try again.

"I don't care." He burst forth. "It's unconventional, I know, but if we want Splinter to stop this fast downward slope, then so be it." His voice turns bitter. April bites her lip.

"I don't know which of these medicines will work." He continues. "Because of our unique DNA, I may need to try a few, but I feel we are close enough to humans for this to have an effect."

"Splinter will _not_ be a lab rat, Don!" I am horrified. I think my brother has lost his mind.

He sighs impatiently. "Of _course_ not, Leo. But would you rather we don't try and he doesn't know _any_ of us, in a week, in two? In a month? This may buy us some time."

I don't know what to make of him right now. He's half scaring me, half making sense.

"Don, I think we need to discuss this as a family." April breaks in. He looks at her, looking almost hurt. She continues, undeterred. "We need to discuss a lot of things. Right now."

"Fine." Don agrees hotly. She looks at Raphael then. "Please."

* * *

_**Michaelangelo**_

My head is spinning. This talk has been a long time coming, and there's tons of information that I had no idea about. Maybe I was being naïve.

"Splinter started… wetting the bed a few weeks ago." Don said softly. "It's a bad sign. It means the disease is progressing to another stage."

It was quiet for a few moments. "That's why you always go in in the morning." Leo's voice was almost a whisper, too. Donnie nods at that.

"He… just, I don't know. It just worked out, somehow, if I were there." Don put his hands up. "I just want to… comfort him."

April ran a hand through her hair. I shook my head. I was really shocked, and a bit sad that Don had been doing that for so long.

"So you didn't feel the need to tell us, huh?" Raph broke in. His voice was gruff, but there was a tinge of sadness to it.

"I… wanted to do more research. Get more answers." Don began, but Raph cut him off.

"I wish I woulda known, Donnie. I'd like to be prepared too, y'know." Raph was angry, but hurt.

"I think," Leo began. "That from now on there be no secrets anywhere here. We need complete disclosure when it comes to Sensei." Everyone nodded in agreement.

"I'm sorry, Raph." Don looked down. "I do wish I'd… better prepared everyone."

"Since when are _you_ in charge of Splinter?" Raph broke in.

"Since I _took_ control." Don shot back.

"Stop." Leo said, then turns to Donnie. "This medicine, Don. I'm not sure I like it, to be honest. Untested, as it were."

"Well it's kind of hard to find test subjects of the mutant rat variety, Leo." Don's voice is hard, sarcastic. He's been doing that more often lately. It worries me.

Leo sighs, then looks at me. I don't want to answer anything. I'm torn, really. I want to help Splinter, really, I want nothing else. But I'm scared about these medicines, too. I give Leo my answer via a shared look. He nods slightly, and I know he understands.

Looking back, I notice April staring at Don. Raph's watching them both, looking unhappy.

I decide it's time to break in. "Look, all I want is for Splinter to be better."

"He ain't getting better, Mike." Raph says.

I roll my eyes. "As better as he _can_ be. For as long as he can be." I look down, my eyes burning. "I just want my father."

Leo puts an arm around me. Of everyone, I know he understands the most.

Leo sighs, and looks at Don. "See what you can do."


End file.
